Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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