how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
