I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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