Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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