I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
