As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
