My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
