You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
