He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
