Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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