He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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