I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
