If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
