just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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