Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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