i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
