I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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