my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
