True but thats because hes a fetus.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
