ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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