There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
