Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
