I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
