i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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