hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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