I'm so fucking centered right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize