Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize