I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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