We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
