The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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