no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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