Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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