I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
