just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My dick has a subreddit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
