Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize