My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
