Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
