She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
