I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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