people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
