Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
