I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
