Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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