The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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