i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
