i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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