well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
