The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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