Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize