Sry I called you an 8
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
