Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
