i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
