yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
