i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
