why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
