6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
