My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
