I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
