not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
