that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize