there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
