I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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