You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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