My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
