smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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