you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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