I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
