matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize