She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
