i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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