What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
