his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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