Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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