when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
