so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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