Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
