Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
