drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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