She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize