call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
