My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
