Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
