we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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