I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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