I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
