We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
