I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
