Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
