there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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