Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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