the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I could fuck to npr.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
