I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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