My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
