Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
