finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
