Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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