paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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