Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
