he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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